fashionista_35

Three hours sleep max, per night, each of the last five nights has a way of making Barb very, very cranky, so be forewarned Gentle Readers.

I Don't Know How She Does It

The title of a tremendous book by Allison Pearson, but for my selfish purposes, serves pretty well as a title for this blog entry. *sniff* The reason for the sniff will become apparent shortly.

Lately, I've been seeing a plethora of mealy-mouthed whining all over the publishing community over various issues-- blogs, marketing, contests, book deals, lack of book deals, agents who allegedly hate aspiring authors they've never met, editors who hate everyone.

Look, I'm a fairly patient, even tolerant, person, very much with the live and let live, but really, there comes a point where even I just want to stand in the middle of the Village Square and scream "Get. Over. It!!"

Some prime examples that have driven me batty recently--

"I can't imagine where she got all the time, finances, inclination for all that marketing. I just don't know how she does it-- I certainly don't have those resourcs. It must be why she's succeeding."

Uh, yeah, it's called Marketing 101, doofus. Take a course; better yet, think outside the box and work on your own marketing techniques rather than spend time whining about others.

"I'm not going to keep a blog-- it's a waste of time which could be better used for actual, y'know, writing. I don't know how those people do it."

Well, there are people how have achieved balance and then there are those who use their blogs as a substitute for the writing they should be doing and the deadlines they should be meeting. There's a very successful editor of my acquaintance who said to me she had authors who believed they still had 2005 publication slots. They don't. Why? Because they claim writer's block as a reason for being behind on their deadlines. Which is fine by this editor. What's not fine is seeing these same authors post five thousand word blog entries every day. This tends to make her even crankier than me.

But fact is, whether you blog or not, big whoop. Who cares? Blog, don't blog, makes no never mind to many people. However, it's been employed as a rather successful marketing tool by many aspiring writers. Marketing... hmm...

"I can't believe the book deal he/she/it/they got! It's not fair!" *stomp foot for emphasis* "I've been writing forever and I haven't gotten a deal like that! I just don't know how she did it."

Okay, maybe I'm a pragmatic type. Who rarely, if ever, has suffered professional jealousy. An acquaintence, Diana Peterfreund just scored the type of book deal most of us aspiring author types have serious wet dreams over. (Sorry, I got so graphic, Diana.) And I'd be lying like a rug if I didn't admit to a momentary dance with the Green-Eyed Monster that caught me seriously unawares. (He's a crappy dancer too-- stomped all over my toes.) But then, half a slice of cheesecake later, I put it into perspective. Diana came up with a great concept, a timely concept, which is riding a tremendous wave right now, and with her background, she's the perfect person to write it. Lightning in a bottle, people and she'd be the first to tell you that. And giving it more thought, I think I'd be scared shitless by a deal like hers, with the expectations with which it comes. Because she's a smart girl, she's feelin' a healthy dose of fright too (check out her very interesting blog post today) which is a good thing, provided she doesn't allow it to paralyze her, which I can't imagine it doing.

Some of my other favorite complaints are the agent/editor ones that are all a variation of a theme of,

"That agent/editor sent me a rejection, a form rejection! And then they signed person XYZ that I'm on forty-seven loops with. I'm so much nicer than they are-- I don't know how she did it!"

I've said it before-- I'll say it again. They don't hate you. They might hate your concept or a character and yes, that stings like a mother-- been there, done that, have the commemorative t-shirt and the R that went with-- but unless you've walked up to them, drunk out of your skull and called their baby ugly or said something like "Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries, now go away or I shall taunt you a second time!" the likelihood that they hate you just ain't real high, people. And if they signed the biggest bitch on the planet ahead of you, it was because, for some strange, unfathomable reason, they liked the big bitch's MS better than yours or found it more marketable. (There's that word again...)

Have dinner with your boyfriends Ben & Jerry and console yourself with the fact that the big bee-yotch is their headache now. After the sugar crash wears off, go out and find that agent or editor who will love your work.

Another fave:

"I really didn't mean that the way it came out. So and so always says what she wants and no one busts her. I don't know how she does it and gets away with it."

This one really makes me crazy. You didn't mean that the way it came out you sanctimonious twit? You're a writer for jiminy's sake. Or so you claim. You're a wordsmith. It's your profession, your gift, presumably, to choose from the rich and varied tapestry of the English language the perfect words with which to get your precise meaning across. So "I really didn't mean that the way it came out," is the cheapest of cheap cop-outs for a writer, cheapened further by the excuse that someone else did it and you believe they got away with it. Either you meant it and have the balls to stick to it, or you should learn to back the hell away from the keyboard before posting.

I know I'm sounding all horribly preachy which is something I tend to reserve for the Model Children. (How do you think they stay Model?) I also work hard to keep things on a fairly even keel, since this is such a crazy industry and if you let every little thing get to you, you'll go insane-- moreover, it's really difficult to write wearing the stylish jacket with the extra-long sleeves and stainless steel buckles.

But every now and again I just gotta let loose with a Primal Scream. It's positively freeing and allows me to return to the even keel. If it doesn't make me popular with the other kids on the playground, well, I'm used to not being the popular kid.